i think that greta van whoever is a dyke. 08.27.05 | 4:28pm
so it recently came to the attention of a friend of mine that i might not be, shall we say, up to date on current events. now, in my defense, i do usually make it a point to watch the evening news and maybe thumb through the sunday paper (oh, alright, so i read the advertisements and the entertainment section...). but apparently i've been slipping lately, as it came to light when a conversation beginning with "so what do you think about {blah blah blah in iraq}?" i was at a loss. so, for those of you who might find yourselves in a similar situation, i provide for you the condensed version of the world's happenings, brought to you by "the original MTV," as she has dubbed herself... in a manner only she could present it.
i have taken the liberty of highlighting important points for your conveniance.
*imagine ticker tape noise in the background*
- Evangelist/former presidential candidate Pat Robertson has come on TV and announced that it would be ok to assassinate the President of Venezuela, Chavez. Now, I do not know about you, but these right wing "wolf in sheeps clothing" people need to shut up. It is ok to run around and kill the President of a country in the name of saving future lives... But hell, don't take a human embryo out of the trash and use skin grown from its cells to heal burn victims or find a cure for ALS or Parkinson. So, why is it they are insurgents and Bin Laden a murderer and Robertson an evangelist? They all advocate for the same thing -- Religion to rule the world.
- Oh, Oh breaking news the most obese State is about to be announced they of course left me with a cliff hanger. It is a southern State. More to be announced later as they confirm my guess.
- "Needles" the cat was found inside a wall in an Orlando home after 15 days. Shit, those owners should be jailed. They had contractors at their home, cat disappeared. Common sense would have told the average person that no, the cat did not run away, it crawled in the wall being the curious animal that it was. Problem I saw when the cat was shown on TV was the great shape the cat was in, leading me to believe that that home has lots of mice or rats and is leaking water. Time to call that contractor back.
- Well I am still waiting on pins and needles (not the cat) for that obese state announcement. Three series of commercials have already been on. What happen to the day when CNN had on commercials? I guess that is days of long ago when MTV played music. I do believe we are breeding killers in this country. :)
- I am so sick of Gaza and the Israel plight. Another country fighting about religion. We moved them there, now we are moving them out. I wonder if they would go for a nice city in Kansas. Could you image the economy of Kansas if we were to move millions of Jews into that State?
- Here it is what we have been waiting for. The winner of the most obese state is Mississippi... well Texas did not even rank in the top 5 this year. Oregon is the skinniest State. Must be a lot of Califorians owning second homes in the woods of Oregon.
- NFL player dies on the field. I am sure you've heard about this by now - they are trying to blame his weight. Hmm... I would be looking more at trace elements in his blood work like STEROIDS. Look at his body weight ratio vs his testicular size. This could be a small clue.
- The President rides a bike. Who cares. This man spends all his time at that stupid ranch. I am only a real estate agent and I can never take a month vacation let alone several in one year. Plus has he not noticed that we are in a war, gas is sky rocketing, and we are titering on the edge of a recession because Walmart the leading stock indicator has reported a drop in spending. Do they really have to study this? Hell Walmart shoppers are on a budget. A simple test. "I need to get to work - should I spend $2.60/gal on gas, or should I buy new underoos for my child? If I don't get to work then I can't buy the underoos because I willl not have a paycheck." Man, hire me, do not pay an analyst 100K to figure out the country is in trouble. It costs a million dollars for a shack in California.
and that, my friends, is your newsflash for the week.
